Zombie Pirate Ninja Monkey

419 Scammer Baiting

I have been indulging in the age-old practise of 419-baiting: responding to email scammers, usually Nigerian, in order to divert them from others and raise the cost of their transactions.

I was emailed by one, who used a certain name but who I will call Sister Sara Walliams (I don't want to turn up in a search from Nigeria!).  After opening a new email account with yahoo, I set about having some fun.  The trick is to play it straight and offer some bait early on, then indulge oneself in more and more humour as the "sting" goes on.  Never use your real name.  Never give out your details, be they phone or otherwise.

Anyway, here goes, starting with the first email I received:

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Dearest in Christ, I need your help.

 Calvary greeting to you and your family. My name is Mrs Sara Walliams, a scottish, but I am married to Mr John Walliams who is the Managing Director of Shell Petro-Chemical Company, before he died in the plane crash of Oct 23, 2005 [with Bellview Airlines twin-engine Boeing 737] with other passengers aboard all 117 passage died, as you can confirm it yourself through this web site http://edition.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/africa/10/23/nigeria.plane/
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-
dyn/content/article/2005/10/23/AR2005102300368.html

We were married for eleven years without a child. Before he death we were both born again Christians. When my late husband was alive we deposited the sum of USD$16.5Million (Sixteen Million Five hundred thosand U.S.
Dollars) with one of good bank here in Nigeria. Presently, this money is still with Union Bank of Nigeria.
Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke.

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to church or better still Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in.

I want a church that will use this fund to churches, orphanages, Research centres and widows propagating the word of God and to ensured that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth.

I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don;t want my family hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers.I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going.

I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health because of the presence of my family relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.With God all things are possible.  As soon as I receive your reply Ishall give you the contact information of the bank and whom to contact.

I will also need to get a reliable attorney to assist you as the new beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian.Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.

Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a Christian individual for this same purpose.

Please assure me that you will act Accordingly as I stated here.
Expecting to hearing from you, reply back to my alternative email for security purpose sisterSaraWalliams@yahoo.com.hk Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

Sister Sara Walliams.

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People fall for this.  Really.  People fall for it and borrow money they can't afford in order to pay the fees these people charge.  My vigilante dander up, I composed the following: I like to think it seems believeable, naïve, loaded with potential profit (sale of a recent pharmaceutical business!), and has the reference to the VAT at the end that should have them scrambling quickly to find a beilievable but innocent excuse why the government shouldn't be involved...

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Dearest Sara, sister in Christ,

I cannot tell you how your story affected me, and how it spoke to me on a personal level.  You have suffered so much, and yet despite the death of your husband, cancer, a stroke and doubtless other, miscellaneous medical conditions into which we need not go, you retain a generous and optimistic outlook.

Of course, I should be delighted to help you in the distribution of your legacy.  I have, myself, been considering setting up a charitable trust fun to distribute some of the profits from the recent sale of my pharmaceutical business.  How lucky we are to have found each other!  May I ask how it is that you got my address?  Perhaps it was simply the work of the Lord!!!!

Anyhow, if you pass me your details I will liaise at this end with the United Kingdom Customs and Excise to ensure government approval for the safe passage of these funds, and their proper investment as per your instructions.

Bless you!

Steve Stevenson

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"Sara" thinks she has a nibble.  You can smell the delight.  I suspect that the bloke working this part of the scam is fairloy low, and sends out the spam then deals with the inital prospects.  He probably makes his money when the next person up has worked the prospect and started collecting cash.  That's why he is keen from now on for me to start emailing "Sara's" lawyer.  This lawyer, surprisingly, has an indian yahoo email address.

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Dear Steve Stevenson,
I thank you very much for your prompt reply of my proposal to you, and for your willingness to help me claim this fund presently with the United Bank for Africa.
Please you should promise me that this fund when finally claim woull be utilise judiciously for the purpose i stated to you in my first proposal.
I have entered into covenant with my Lord through fasting and prayer that God should reveal to me an honest and trustworthy foreigner who will assist in claiming this fund and send it for charity purposes, hence i contacted you. And i believe that you are the God sent. Please contacting my family lawyer in the person of Barrister terry ogbo through his Email address terry_ogbo205@yahoo.co.in
Tell him that Madam Sara Walliams directed you to him for the claim of $16.5m as her next of kin of her late husband. He will be ready and happy to listen to you as he is our family lawyer during the life time of my late husband.
As you may know that i am presently in huspital and would not be able to access my mail at all times, and my Doctor instructed me not to entertain any call because of my state of health. However, i will want you to send to me urgently the following:- 1. Your full name and address 2. Your telephone.
This information requirement is to enable me instruct my doctor to contact you as at when due and when fund is successful comes to your account.
I strongly believe that God be on our side, He will strenthen and empowered you to be able to receive this fund without problem. As it is written, that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. Please get in touch with the Barrist terry ogbo now, and get bact to me. I am waiting to hear from you.
Thanks and remain blessed in the Lord.
Madam Sara Walliams

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I got a bite from our Nigerian friends. I'm still playing it pretty straight in my response for now, though my character apparently has trouble with Indians.  This plot is because she has said she cannot speak by phone already, so I want to keep that as an excuse why we cannot use telephones. This "lawyer" would certainly want to talk by phone to verify the mark.  It is also funnier.

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My reply:

Madam Sara,

Thank-you for your kind letter.  And please think nothing of my willingness to help you.  Does not the good book say that we do for these, the least of our brethren, we do also for the Lord (Matthew 25:40) ?  And of course you have my word that I will ensure the correct distribution of your funds.

I am not certain about contacting your lawyer though.  I would prefer to deal with you directly.  I notice that your lawyer is in India from his email address, and I think that the delays caused by time differences would make everything so much more difficult and complicated.  I also feel that I can trust you, as a coreligionist, in a way that I am not certain I can trust someone who is not just a lawyer but an Indian lawyer.  I am told that they are the worst sort.  I do not mind occasionally waiting a few days for your response: since I sold my company I have plenty of time to spare.

Inspired by your example, I shall be speaking to my accountants about setting up a trust fund for distribution of my own charitable giving (much less than you: I can only give a relatively small amount of around 800,000 pounds or so) in the next few days.  Should I instruct them to set up a trust fund account for your own donations?  They can deal with the government for reclamation of tax on our behalf.

Go in peace,

Your friend, Steve

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800 grand in the account already?  That was always going to catch the interest.  "Sara" might not believe me, but there is no way they'll let up, just in case...  I rather enjoy the weird eschatology that creeps in in the second half.  Clearly cut-and paste stuff to pad things out.  We can't have that: it's not costing them time.

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Dear Beloved in Christ.

    Thanks very much for ur urgent response. And i am also very sorry
for responding to you very late. As regards to your opinion, pls i cannot
do anything without my family attorney in person of Barrister terry ogbo
because of my present status or condition.

Base on this fact, my attorney is right here In Nigeria and not in
India. Just that he used India site. As a matter of fact, I cannot do anything
without him I believe i have said it before because i am in pains
already.

So i implore you to make haste and send him email on his private email
address terry_ogbo2@yahoo.ca or you may call him on his private cell
number 234-8034-xxxx-yy.

I prayed that God will grant you wisdom so that you will use this Fund
for what is meant for because i must fulfill my heart desire as the holy
spirit instructed me right from the onset. I prayed that no man or anybody
will take the Glory of God. So pls make sure you adhere with my instruction
and directives given to you today and always remember me in your day-to-day
prayers.

I will be delighted and happy hearing that you have contacted him like
i have stated to you. May God strengthen you because he is coming soon to
take the righteous once away? Let my God remember you on that glorious day.
So do not be worried about the devices of Satan. My Lord liveth forever.

The bible tells me that we shall call upon him and he will answer us in
times of trouble. I am facing a lot tribulations and difficulties but
all I know is that with God almighty that liveth forever. All things are
possible.

Receive his strength and his love today and let us manifest in ur life
amen.

Bye

Madam Sara Walliams.

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I was away on holiday for a week or so, and so didn't reply for over ten days.  I suspected that "Sara" plays rather a lot of contacts at once, and could easily be persuaded that he was the one who had forgotten to reply.  More miscellaneous anti-Indian sniping, in an attempt to get under "Sara's" skin and get a response.

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Rita, dear sister,
 
I am very worried that I have not heard from you in so long.  Is the hospital treatment for your extraordinarily long list of diseases going badly?  This is exactly what i was worried about: if I had been dealing with some fly-by-night Indian lawyer, I might not have realised that you were hovering at death's door, and he could have stolen not just your money but also my own bequest.  You might not have much use for the money soon, but if I lost my 80,000 pounds I would certainly feel the result!
 
Please, do let me know that you are well and that the treatments are going well.  I would especially urge you to be careful about signing anything.  I have dealt with these Indian types before, especially lawyers, and they will do anything to get at your vulnerables.
 
May God Bless You
 
Dave

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Dear Beloved In Christ(Steve)

Pls i want to know the position of things so far and the outcome of ur discussion with my family attorney who has been so nice to me even with my present condition.

I beg u to pls comply with him and make sure u always adhere with his instruction, which may be given to u as a lawyer to avoid mis-direction of Fund or mis-transfer of Fund.

And always get in touch with me and remember me in ur day-to-day prayer. God will surely bless u since u have devoted ur time to work for Jesus and to assist me fulfilling my vision.

Personally, I   am not happy that today i am on the sick bed because I
know what I am facing but I know whom I am serving. The Bible tell me that our God cannot sleep not slumber, and i prayed sickness will not be ur portion in Jesus name nor ur family because i know what it take to be on pains for the past few years

The bible tells us that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. The same bible tells me that during the times of John the Baptist the kingdom of God suffered violent and the violent once taketh it by force.

So stand firmly and do not allow the devices of Satan to way you down because is just temporarily.

I believe one day, I will see u face to face if only God will permit me.

So remains Bless and have a nice and lovely weekend.

Thanks.
Sister Walliams Sara.

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By now, I am happy I have burnt enough of the scammer's time, and am going into playful mood.  I decide to be brutally frank about "Sara's" prognosis:

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Oooh, this one is feisty.  No cut and paste here, I suspect the mugu is worried that I might slip off the hook.  Also, if I don't email Terry, he can never get his payment for the lead.

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Dear Beloved Steve.

I am surprised hearing that you don’t trust my lawyer. Is quite unbelievable..You known that I have entrusted everything I have to this young Barrister who has been so nice to me ever since when I was admitted firstly in the hospital.

Pls you should trust him because is man of integrity and dignity ever since I know this young Barrister. He has never disobeyed me or distrusts my words for one day ever since when I knew this young man.

I am among those people that contributed to pay her school fees. So I wonder why you said such miserable words.

Pls give him that trust and forward your information to him. I have lost everything I have even including my happiest and myself.

If you want me to achieve this dream. Pls forward ur Full information to him on his direct mail address terry_ogbo2@yahoo.ca and his number remain the same 234-8034-xxxx-yy.

Thanks and may God.

Madam Sara Walliams.

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I wonder what Sara had in mind for God?  We may never know.  In any case, I act contrite.  But I am delighted to find that the Nigerian Bar Association is real, and has the initials NBA.  Not an opportunity to miss.

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Sara,

You are right, of course.  I am thoroughly ashamed of myself for my unchristian attitude towards terry.  He may be an Indian.  He may even be a lawyer.  But neither of those is an excuse for me to shun him in the pursuit of getting both our money into a safe place.

I shall contact terry as soon as possible.  Obviously, I will have to phone the Nigerian Bar Association: As we discussed, I now have about a great deal of money in the account which I will be using for this charitable disbursement and you and I must both be sure that terry is entirely trustworthy and not some damned Indian thief.  I am sure that you must have had just as much trouble with Indians as I have, so I expect you will be sympathetic towards me in my caution.

So please, send me the address of terry's offices so that I can speak to the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA) about him.  Is he very high up in the NBA?  I expect that to be trusted with so much cash he must be quite a player in the NBA.  Therefore I do not expect problems, but I would like to check.

How are you, my dear Sara?  How is your cancer?  Have you had any more strokes?  My church group prays for you every day here.  Sometimes several times a day, especially on Sundays, when we like to fast, especially between meals.  Please let us know the address of your hospital and we will be sure to send you flowers and perhaps a bible or two.

Your Brother,
Steve

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I love that "Sara" decides to assert the trustworthiness of Terry by saying "Pls this man is from Lagos Nigeria"!  Ah well, in that case!

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Dear Beloved In Christ (Steve)

    Ps stop thinking evil, my family attorney has no such attitude right from the onset.

I am worried when you said u don't trust him. Pls this man is from Lagos Nigeria. He has no bad recommendation to start with.

I strongly to pls remove ur mind from such thinking because i don't like it. I am Christian as well. And he stood by me all this while undermining that i am sick for a very long period now. But I know that one faithful day my God will surely see me through.

He was born and brought up from Lagos Nigeria undermining that he school in London. He is a man of integrity and dignity as well simplicity to start with. Pls ensure that u forward ur full details to him now and let me know the outcome of ur discussion with this young man.

And always remember me in ur day-to-day payer. And make u contact him on his private email address terry_ogbo2@yahoo.ca and his telephone numbe remember the same 234-8034-xxxx-yy

I am waiting to hear from you today unfailingly.
Thanks and may God Bless as you adhere with my instruction.

Thanks and remain Bless.
Madam Sara Walliams

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I decode that "Sara" just isn't facing facts on her perilous situation by stringing this out any longer.  Someone needs to tell her how sick she is.  Luckily, Terry is now Canadian, so I like him, on account of the mooses.  Mice?  Meese?

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Sara,

I understand that you must feel very impatient, since you are so very ill and will be dead really quite soon indeed.  But please, Sara, you must understand that I have placed almost 800,000 pounds in this account, so it is very important to me to be very careful.  Also, I do not want to see your legacy wasted in legal fees and curries.

However, I see that terry's email address shows that he has moved to Canada.  I like Canadians a lot, since they have mooses and deer and reindeer and other horny-headed animals.  Do you like mooses?  I think that they are my favourites.  Anyway, I shall send him my details as soon as possible, and then he and I can discuss his bar accreditation and I can check with the NBA whether he is a player.  I am sure he is a perfectly lovely young man.  Does he have a website?

I notice that you do not answer my questions about having any daughters.  I admit that that was wrong of me to ask a dying woman.  Do you, perhaps, have any nieces instead?  Surely they might be around 19 or 20 by now?  I am a big fan of Nigerian girls, myself, although only within the bounds of Christian matrimony.  Sadly my wife left me for an Indian some years ago, and I get very lonely.

Where did terry go to school in London?  Was it Eton, Slugbash, St Dump's or another great school?  I am very interested.  Perhaps when we finalise matters and are working out how to spend the money, terry can come to London and we can have a jolly old time, I say.

Your friend in the Holy Ghost and Manna and Spirits

Steve

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I'll update when I get round to emailing young Terry.  I suspect he'll be smarter, which should make it all more fun.