July 2007 - Posts

Recovery

I have not, despite the efforts of my cornea to the contrary, gone blind.  I am banned from wearing contacts for weeks, though.  Glasses reveal just how many bits of my face and ears have been broken by rugby, and they don't work well, forcing me to peer at things.  Headaches are, I suppose, a manageable consequence.  My vanity hurts worse than my head.

The specialist is a tiny, Chinese man who, by coincidence, looks and sounds not altogether unlike the eye doctor in Bladerunner. True dialogue:

Doctor: Mr Harrison, you are a very vain man.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Doctor: Your contact lenses, they make you look good...
Me: Thank-you
Doctor: ...and they are good for your sports, good for your rugby...
Me: How do you know I play rugby? [he had not seen my medical records, packed with rugby injuries, yet]
Doctor:  Mr Harrison, I am a doctor.  I am an eye doctor.  I look around your eyes, I see many cuts.  I see you play rugby.

If only he had had a wispy, white beard to stroke at this point, I would have been utterly impressed.  I imagine that he finds that patients like and are reassured by his Confucian wise man persona.

On the Renton (my cat) front, the situation is improving, although it is too early to tell how well he will respond to treatment in the medium term.  He has only a tiny fraction of the red blood cells he should (I saw his figures, and they were literally off the chart), probably because he is generating antibodies to his own red blood cells.  Either that or a blood-borne parasite.  So he's on a big dose of steroids and is also on antibiotics.

Oh, and insure your pets: I may consider 750 quid/1500 dollars extremely good value for saving my ten-year-old cat but not everyone has that option!

Horrible

One of those very rare bits on my blog where I say something about me.  What a horrible week.  On Friday, I woke up with an ulcer on my cornea.  This was sore, and the drugs have left my pupil constantly dilated, exacerbating the photosensitivity that was already occurring in what is the brightest, sunniest week of the year so far.  Basically, though, that was just an uncomfortable inconvenience.

This morning, however, my cat, Renton, came through unsteadily at about 7am, mewling in a clearly uncomfortable way.  He lay down on his side and didn't move, except to howl a little, and there was foam flecking his lips.  His tongue and eyes were pale, and his breathing shallow.

I immediately drove him to the 24-hour veterinary practice on Mayfield Road, where they say that he may have a blood clot in his hind legs.  This would not, apparently, be good at all.  They put him on oxygen and fluids, and I was told to leave him there and phone back later today for news.  If I was allowed to, I would have sat with him the whole day: after all, he is loyal to me in a way you would not believe with a cat.  I am very lucky that I can afford to pay a 500 pound bill for such initial treatment and investigation: my heart breaks for those who would have looked at the quote with their own broken heart and known that they could do nothing.

You would not believe how upset I am.

Young Stalin

I've just read Simon Sebag Montefiore's biography of Stalin's early life and career, Young Stalin, and it is not often that one is forced so radically to alter one's entire view of someone so famous.

I am not saying that I came away from the book struck by how Stalin was actually just a regular guy, or that he was deeply misunderstood and not at all a monster.  Anything but: the Stalin presented to us is quite clearly a case of the boy as father of the man.

But I - like just about everyone else in the West, I should say - had always fallen for Trotsky's version of events.  I thought that Stalin's early life was that of a grey, dour, methodical man who ground his way to the stop through scheming, opportunism and a mastery of the processes of bureaucracy.  I had a view of him as the methodical counterpart to Hitler's sub-artistic, charismatic leader of men: an impression gleaned in large part from Allan Bullock's great study of the pair.

In fact, it transpires that the young Stalin - or Soso, as he was known by many at the time - was by far the more glamourous, artistic and even charismatic.  While Hitler daubed postcards, Stalin wrote poetry.  And not doggerel: Stalin organised a huge bank robbery in Georgia - one reported around the world at the time - thanks largely to having someone on the inside.  That insider helped Stalin because of his love of the young revolutionary's poetry: poetry written as a schoolboy which, nonetheless, was published widely long before Soso became Stalin.  He was a beautiful singer, a dedicated and brilliant student, and a talented (if sometimes mercurial) teacher.  The later cult of personality had much to work with.

This Stalin - despite the pockmarks of childhood disease, a limp and a crippled arm - leaves a trail of lovers and illegitimate children behind him.  He is adored and feared.  Ominously, he already has an obsession with betrayal by the time he is a seminarian training for the priesthood.  In his teens, he beats and organises the ostracisation of a former friend who betrays one of his circle.  By his early twenties, a police spy is murdered after Stalin (correctly) guesses at his pretense.  He has potential recruits lead past him in the street, while he stands behind a window and watches.  Some, he chooses.  Others, he rejects as traitors.  He believes he can tell a spy at a glance.  And in Georgia, agents of the police are everywhere.

Was Stalin one of them?  Montefiore certainly leaves us with the impression that Stalin played a double game, using the police to get rid of rivals and enemies.  He was ruthless: that much is no surprise.  He got a job at the Rothschilds' refinery in Batumi, and almost immediately had it set ablaze.  The workers fight the fire, which entitled them to a bonus.  But, as Stalin surely knew, the bonus was not paid, due to the suspicion of arson.  So Stalin then uses that to call the workers out on strike, despite knowing that the managers' suspicions are right!  Similarly, he organised a May-Day rally, personally encouraged the workers to attack, assuring them that the Cossacks would not shoot them, clearly despite knowing that the soldiers certainly would do just that.  Then he uses the resulting deaths to his own ends.  Stalin was already casual with the lives of others, in order to promote the cause.

He was also, unlike Hitler, a young man of repeated and successful action.  Raising funds for the cause, he joins a pirate gang.  Much successful pirating later, he kills his colleagues, takes the money, and takes it back across the Caucasus on donkey-back, quoting his own poetry as he goes.  This Stalin appealed greatly to Lenin, who saw Stalin as a direct man of action, long before his rise to prominence in 1917.  The directness Lenin meant can be seen in Stalin's right-hand man - Kamo - who would beg Stalin to let him slit the throats of victims, and who would literally cut out the heart of an enemy.  Stalin was able to control such men and women - bandits, revolutionaries, psychopaths and conspirators alike - because they wanted to follow "the young man with the burning eyes".  This is very unlike the Stalin I thought I knew.

Alan Johnston Should Thank John Smeaton

Does anyone seriously believe that John Smeaton's single-handed dismantling of the terrorist threat to the UK is unrelated to the release, three days later, of Scottish BBC journalist Alan Johnston in Gaza?  I think somebody worked out that they had a tiger by the tail: "In the name of Allah the Merciful, the Just, the Vaguely Inclined Towards Suicide Bombings, why did nobody tell us he was a Scot?"

I imagine that they filed sheepishly into his room, shuffled a bit, declared their surprise that Alan had somehow caught his wrist on the radiator-handcuff while constantly referring to him as "Mr MacJohnston Sir", muttered that their only demand had been that England hand back the 1966 world cup and immediately release all Scottish jakeys arrested for begging at Kings Cross, then gave him a big present and sent him on his way.

John Smeaton One Man Antiterrorist Squad

Here are some quotes from one-man anti-terrorist squad John Smeaton.  Note that these are genuine quotes.

Interviewer: "What message do you have for the bombers?"

John Smeaton: "This is Glasgow, you know, so, we'll just set about you"

Interviewer: "Can you describe what happened when you apprehended the terrorist?"

John Smeaton: "Me and other folk were just tryin' to get the boot in and some other guy banjoed him."

John Smeaton: "I see the guy get out the car... an' goes straight for the police an' ah'm like that: no chance... this isnae hapennin'."

It's worth realising that in Glasgow parlance, "no chance... this isnae happenin'" is not a statement of disbelief.  It is very close to the imperative, and means that this, while perhaps happening right now, will not be happening for much longer.  It is a Nietszchian imposition of will upon the world.

You have to have heard Smeaton's calm, matter-of-fact delivery to realise just how unphased he was by the whole process of tackling a would-be terrorist who is on fire, next to a car, also ablaze, containing petrol, nails and gas cylinders.  A true ambassador for Scotland, up there with the lion-bashing hero of Springfield, Groundskeeper Willie.  He was outside the airport, having a smoke at the time, on a break from his job as senior ramp attendant.  When he saw a burning jeep protruding from the terminal, what was his thought?  "I've got to get this sorted." Matter of fact; understated, and very much an ideal witness when it comes to the trial in a year or so.  No wonder there is now a website dedicated to him.

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Someone has already done a side-by-side comparison of local reactions to a terrorist incident in Glasgow versus one in the USA.  I love it:

America: "Oh my God! There was a man on fire, he was running about,  i just ran for my life. I thought i was gonna die, he got so close to me"

Glasgow "C*nt wis running aboot on fire, so a ran up n gave him a good boot, then decked him"


America: " I just wanna get home, away from here. I just wanna get home, I thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow: " here shug, am no leaving here till am oan a f*ckin'  plane!"

 
America: " there was pandemonium, people were running in all directions, we didn't know what was happening thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow :"F*ck this fir a kerry oan, moan we ll get a pint in"

 
America: " We thought he was gonna blow us all up he had a gas canister, and was trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were gonna die, I just ran for my life"

Glasgow :"a swaggered by the motor that wis on fire, and the dafty couldnae even open his boot, he wis in fire annaw so a ran up n gave him a good boot to the baws"

 
America: there was this huge explosion, it sounded like war, I thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow: " There wis a bang, yi know when yi throw BO basher intae a fire it wis like that"

 
America: " I'm too traumatized even to speak, I thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow "here mate, gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear, if am gonna be oan the telly a want her tae tape it"

Glasgow Bombs - Have Your Go, Wee Man

Islamic terrorists set off a bomb at Glasgow Airport at the weekend, setting light to the front of the terminal building.

Glasgow Police say the bomb did more than one hundred and twenty thousand pounds' worth of improvements (Thank-you Ironwood).

Ok, it's an obvious joke, but I'm an Edinburgh resident, so I'm obliged to make it, just like everybody else has, already.

By the way, I love the fact that, when you're a terrorist in Glasgow, driving a car packed with a potentially lethal payload, you're on fire yourself, and you're waving a Molotov cocktail, the most likely outcome is that locals will immediately run at you and beat you into submission. Now that's hard.

Has anyone else noticed that the quality of the explosive devices available to our UK-based fundamentalist brethren has been going steadily downhill? In the first lot of London bombings they used proper, honest-to-goodness bombs, capabale of generating a shockwave, overpressure and everything. In the second set of attacks, the idea was fair enough, but their nitrate-based explosives failed to go off, leading to a casualty list of rather more limited extent: one attacker who danced around with his back smouldering for a bit.

The latest tranche have seen three cars packed with gas cylinders, petrol and nails, and apparently lit with matches. They're going through a bad patch. Unless they bring in someone from outside, the next set of attacks will have to be carried out with cars stuffed to the gunwales with wood, newspaper and firelighters, maybe topped off with diesel and with a detonator made of a boy scout with a digital watch, furiously rubbing two sticks together.

P.S. Americans! be the envy of other news broadcasters by pronounced Glasgow correctly! it's "Glaz-goh". it does not rhyme with cow.

P.P.S. Although it was glasgow airport that was hit, the location is actually in Paisley. Clearly, this marks a shift in tactics by our fundamentaloid cousins, who by bombing Paisley are trying to appeal to right-thinking Greenockians everywhere.