Endie - Fount of Wisdom
One continuing source of fun for me is to read the search engine logs for this site: a list of all the search phrases used by people to access pages on my blog, which the engines pass to the requested page in the associated query string.
Some are logical, and match the content well. Some surprise me, since I doubt I have used certain words at all on my site (the most extreme of these was a hit for the search phrase "3238312176361"). However, I feel occasional pangs of guilt when I see questions asked that I know I have not answered. These plaintive supplicants come to me for wisdom, and leave disappointed. It is time I did something about this. Accordingly, I now present Endie's Fount of Wisdom, answering the questions you googlites have asked.
1) 'would a pirate or a ninja win in a fight?' - A fair question, Wayne (I have no idea who asked this, but I like to put a name to my interrogators) and one which I answer first because a site holding itself out as some sort of authority on Zombie Pirate Ninja Monkeys really should provide an answer. However, it's really not that simple. So many caveats exist: who has surprise? Are they fighting in rigging? Is it night-time? Are there sufficient, nearby sources of swash with which to buckle? How drunk is the pirate? Basically, though, I think the answer should have been pretty obvious in the end. A Ninja is a highly trained dealer of death, prepared from childhood in the arts of silent and efficient killing. A pirate is a drunken tavern-jockey who didn't like the navy making him get up early in the morning. Ninja wins. Especially if it's one of the pirate chappies that run Edinburgh's Electric Cabaret. I love that one of them actually calls me matey.
2) Related to this is the query '"grizzly or lion which hardest"'. Tersely put, Karen, but we get what you are driving at. I can answer you fairly straightforwardly here, though, since we can set standard criteria: straight up one on one fight, post pub, neither contestant too hammered (no weapons, naturally). The grizzly wins, every time. In California in the second half of the 19th century, such contests between diferent animals were not uncommon, and the result when bears fought other large mammals was always the same: the bear punches downwards on the assailant's skull, crushing it and resulting in instant death.. Even if a lion gets surprise, the musculature of the bear's neck means that the artery-compressing death grip of the big cats (they kill their prey by cutting off the blood supply to the brain, not by inflicting trauma) is ineffective. If you want competition you have to stick the grizzly up against pack animals. Dogs will do, although breed matters: if you only have labradors, for instance, you're going to have to force a few alcopops down their throats to get them in the mood.
3) 'which website can you type something and the monkey says it' - This is a common misapprehension, Steve. You see, monkeys can't actually talk. Nor can they read text from a computer screen. Your quest is doomed. Unless you type "ook", in which case you have an outside chance of getting the response you desire. But that would more be by way of you typing in your prediction of what the monkey would say. As regards your ability to talk to the animals, see this site (warning, contains repeated, non-mocking references to Chomsky).
4) 'what is the thickness of a typical monopoly property card?' - Caroline poses quite the question there. In fact, the thickness varies from edition to edition though, as with most playing cards, it falls between 0.18mm and 0.3mm.
5) 'PGR3 xbox live how many races to win before you are no longer a newbie' - I'm sorry, Jean-Claude, but you are still a newbie. You'll know when you're not, because you'll no longer feel the need to ask others. Alternative answer: 3, open matches (not friends only) at least six slots taken in each, no fixing in host settings, standard game tracks only.
6) 'how do you write two hundred five aand one hundredth in word form?' - well, Chandra, you could try "two hundred and five plus a hundredth' if you are committed to the use of fractions. But why not try "two hundred and five point zero one"? Neither is all that great, though. Frankly 205.01 is a rotten number, and none of the great authors use it. It isn't even mentioned in the King james edition of the Bible, which makes it one of the set known to mathematicians and kaballists alike as Satan's Numbers. Most of them involve dividing in your head by really big values with numbers after the point.
7) 'ninja hates pirate' - No, Trev, he doesn't. You're just asserting, not asking. For the most part, they co-exist happily. The occasional spat is just kayfabe.
8) 'Removing SecuROM!CAUTION! NEVER DELETE OR CHANGE ANY KEY' - Thanks, Alan, I'll bear that in mind.
9) 'was the singer Johnny Cash ever convicted of manslaughter' - Don't be stupid, Lachantelle. He got locked up for drunk and disorderly a few times. In case you are on death row, I have a law degree, and the excuse that you killed a man in Reno just to watch him die will not wash if you are trying for a "in the name of scientific research and observation" plea.
10) 'PICTURE OF A MONKEY IN PIRATE SUIT' - Oh, I should sooo have one of those.
11) 'pictures of a funky monkey drunk with a ninja!!!' - Goshdarnit that's an even better idea!
12) 'do you think I'm sexy' - Well, I find you alluring, but I have trouble with the whole rodent/Eskimo thing. Sorry. I hope we can stay friends.
13) '"'allo 'allo" jew prosecution' - You know, it's a funny thing, but throughout the entire, ten-year run of this only-in-Britain type series, proto-Smithers Lieutenant Gruber was never ordered to round up the local Jewry and ship them off in his little tank. I'm not sure that the comic possibilities were as strong as you suspect, Karl-Heinz.
14) 'i may not look like much, but i'm pro at pretending to be ninja' - I'll bet you are.
15) 'grade 4 need to have a project on culture or environmental write a short story they need to design and plan a mask to protray a character in the story' - Bad teacher! Lazy teacher!
16 'what does the door in the graveyard in brill do on world of warcraft' - It's a warrior quest. If you're not one, forget it.
17 'what is the average seventeen year olds that have sex' - I like to think that the clearly-missing words here are "age of". If so: 17. If they are in fact "proportion of", then the answer is, these days "virtually all of them".
18 'India women having sex with monkeys' - Now that is a mighty specific kink. I have your IP address. Don't do it again. (In fact, the amusing thing is that this IP address owner keeps coming back and reading my blog on a regular basis. Hi there!)